


Just a Maybe Would Do

by joochanghyuki



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, HyungHyuk Bingo, M/M, Soulmate AU, Unhealthy Pining, brief jookyun, this isn't too sad I hope, very brief mention of past kihyungwon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-16
Updated: 2018-06-16
Packaged: 2019-05-24 06:27:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14949342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/joochanghyuki/pseuds/joochanghyuki
Summary: Every bit of sadness and pain that washes over him and leaving him hollow is the product of his partner’s choice of refusing to accept Minhyuk and their connection. The flower that had bloomed inside of him suddenly felt like it grew wild thorns that ruthlessly rip Minhyuk from the inside and still he refuses to let go.





	Just a Maybe Would Do

It came out of nowhere; the emptiness that continuously threatens to eat him whole.

 

A few months since the start of the random bouts of heart wrenching waves of pain that would ruthlessly attack his heart and soul, Minhyuk finds himself to be so tired of everything. He’s tired of the unexplainable hurt that settles into him every time his soulmate has an inner turmoil about their connection. They say that the amount of effort one half of the pair uses to refuse the inevitable attraction between partners is the amount of pain that the other half receives. Every bit of sadness and pain that washes over him and leaving him hollow is the product of his partner’s choice of refusing to accept Minhyuk and their connection. It was nothing but tiring to bear.

He is so tired of being unreasonable but he’s mostly tired of being himself; Lee Minhyuk who is still clinging to his own vision of a perfect future where he could be happy. He is naïve to a fault. Even when all the signs right from the start had pointed to a negative future with his partner he refused to accept it.

He believed in a person’s capability to love.

It was obvious to him without a doubt that his other half is madly and deeply in love with another person. Minhyuk acknowledged that the fact alone should have made him willing to mutually give up on their soulmate connection but he couldn’t do it. He would not do it.  

His partner can be truly in love with someone else but it didn’t change the fact that Minhyuk also believed in the possibility of them. Despite the rejections he still believes in the simple half-moon shaped tattoo on his wrist, the one similarly tattooed on Hyungwon’s own wrist. Everyday Minhyuk wishes he hadn’t seen the soft glow of the moon shaped mark etched on his wrist.

The memory of their first meeting is so vivid and beautiful that he only wishes for it to go away. It was the only good memory he has of Hyungwon and the only thing holding him back from letting go of his other half.

Their encounter was a breath taking memory of a brief moment where an unexplainable warmth that felt perfectly right had spread inside of him.

There was no feeling to ever compare to how comforting the warmth had been. It gave a new definition of what home and love was supposed to feel like. To him, time had slowed down for that very moment when he looked down on his right wrist to see every detail of the never changing mark glowing in a fascinating soft blue. A surge of different feelings envelops him; all were beautiful and good and within seconds it had built up and exploded inside of him. Like a majestic flower finally in bloom, something changed in all the right ways instantly making Minhyuk feel complete.

The overwhelming feeling of happiness of finally reaching the start of something he had anticipated all his life was what Minhyuk felt when he saw the light. When he looks up again and catches a glimpse of a tall man standing on the other side of the path, the other is looking down at his own wrist in shock and awe. Minhyuk thought that his destined one was absolutely beautiful.

Chae Hyungwon was beautiful and he had Lee Minhyuk’s heart at his disposal the very moment they had crossed paths.

Hyungwon was so beautiful that he had broken Minhyuk’s heart the very moment he opened his mouth to tell his soulmate that he didn’t believe in destiny’s choice.

The moment where Minhyuk felt the most complete had shattered as fast as it had arrived. The warmth that the beautiful blue light had given him and the fleeting happiness it had caused was easily lost with Hyungwon’s own anguish and cruel words. The flower that had bloomed inside of him suddenly felt like it grew wild thorns that ruthlessly rip Minhyuk from the inside and still yet he refuses to let go.

In his mind maybe there would be a future where his soulmate with later on realize that he was worth it- that Lee Minhyuk- who has foolishly and blindly held on to their connection despite being rejected on their first meeting and the series of countless indirect rejections that pained him soon after, was worthy of a Chae Hyungwon.

It was unreasonable to be pinning on an uncooperative soulmate and yet Minhyuk chooses to endure the cruel pain and holding on to the hope that he’ll once again feel the warmth and love that warm light had given him. Maybe there was a reason why destiny would pair up the hopeless romantic Minhyuk to the defiant Hyungwon.

But one’s resolve could only go so far. Minhyuk is so tired of it and he’s so close to falling off the edge. 

What has been a few weeks of unending doubts, anger and tears had left Minhyuk feeling like he’s been through hell for years on end. The pain of unrequited soulmate love is unforgiving. It’s a force that’s powerful enough to drive the struggling half to extreme sadness, depression, numbness or even insanity. It’s a hateful feeling of one’s heart clenching in pain: a heart attack that doesn’t actually endanger one’s health, it’s an unexplainable phenomenon that spreads a grave feeling of sadness to someone’s system in a wicked self-realization that their soulmate is rejecting them at that very moment.

Day, night, afternoon or midday- there wasn’t a time or place where the feelings would spare Minhyuk. It’s cruel.

Hyungwon was cruel to allow the pain to subside for a while. Some days the pain forgets to visit him and Minhyuk like the fool that he is will put his guard down. He entertains the hope that maybe Hyungwon has finally had a change of heart only to be slapped with the reality of terrifying new waves of pain hitting him with so much raw intensity that it does a great job at carving out a hollow space inside of him.

* * *

 

_“Did you hear? Chae Hyungwon from economics and Yoo Kihyun had broken up.”_

_"They weren’t soulmates anyway. It’s just a matter of time.”_

_"You know what’s weird? They still look like they’re best buddies. Seriously, are they okay?”_

_“Yo, I don’t think anyone cheated.”_

_“They were best friends before dating anyway. Heard they came from the same high school.”_

_“It’s still pretty amazing they lasted for two years.”_

_“Which one found their soulmate though?”_

_“I never liked them together, to be honest.”_

“I knew they were too good to be true.”

 

“Are you okay?” Changkyun asks him from across the table. Minhyuk removes his eyes from screen of his phone and takes a glance at his friend in front of him. The younger man’s usually straight expression had morphed into a strained mixture of concern and confusion. If his situation was not as serious as it is, Minhyuk would have laughed at him.

“I was in pain for the whole day last Saturday but that was the worst of it. Now it’s pretty standard dull aches.” Minhyuk answers, trying not to make his words sound shaky. He leaves out the part where Saturday was the worst pain he’d ever experienced since meeting his soulmate and that he’d almost lost his mind clutching and clawing on the sheets of his bed as he cried himself to sleep. If he hadn’t made an effort to keep his nails short he was sure that his hands would be littered with scars all over.

 _“_ Some people say Kihyun found his soulmate.” Changkyun whispers to him, as if it was taboo to even talk about Hyungwon’s ex-boyfriend. “Hyung, has he contacted you?”

Minhyuk sighs and shakes his head. Hyungwon had never once reached out to him after their first meeting and the few times that Minhyuk had tried to talk to the other, the rejection sent in waves was enough to have him down in pain. Just as Minhyuk only knew about Hyungwon from what people talked about and the angry and resentful Hyungwon that only had harsh words to say to him, Minhyuk also knew close to nothing about his soulmate’s lover.

He didn’t have a particularly good or bad opinion of Yoo Kihyun. He just knew that the man was an amazing photography student who was talented enough to get a few walls filled with his photos in their university’s student gallery. Kihyun was an existence Minhyuk just didn’t wonder with as much as people would assume.

The only few times he’d seen Hyungwon and Kihyun, the taller had his arms around Kihyun’s shoulders and both men had bright expressions on their faces as they talk animatedly with each other. They were a good couple if Minhyuk was to look at them objectively. They looked like they made each other happy.

Unlike what most people in his situation would feel, Minhyuk never once considered Kihyun a rival. How could he even begin to compare to someone who knew Hyungwon inside and out?

Yoo Kihyun was someone dear to Chae Hyungwon. Kihyun was just another part of Hyungwon that Minhyuk is trying to live with. Even as the news of their break up spreads around campus it doesn’t make Minhyuk feel any better.

“I hope one of them is happy.” Minhyuk whispers just as Changkyun had.

 

* * *

 

When the feels his heart clench on itself and the first wave of sadness hits him he accidentally lets his left hand hit the wooden desk hard. It’s been weeks since the last attack and Minhyuk couldn’t believe that the pain of rejection would come back again and shaking up Minhyuk’s briefly calm life. The pain was thankfully mild; it was something he can handle easily by now.  He’s just so embarrassed to have to be caught off guard and to blatantly endure the pain in front of someone else- even if Jooheon was a dear friend to him.

Jooheon who was lounging on Minhyuk’s messy bed looks at him in half panic. “Hyung, are you okay?” the younger’s soft voice barely registers in Minhyuk’s consciousness. Minhyuk says nothing as he tries to calm himself down.

His right hand stays still, resting on top of a crisp white paper. The black pen he was gripping quickly falls slack in between his fingers. He wordlessly watches the tip of the pen slide against the paper drawing a stray line of the perfectly blank paper.

What has gotten into Hyungwon again? Minhyuk takes a breath to calm himself down, another breath to collect himself and another one that fails to ease the pain away.

“Minhyuk-hyung, why are you still hurting? It’s been months since Kihyun and Hyungwon broke up.” Jooheon asks in complete confusion as he slowly rubs comforting circles on Minhyuk’s back. It had taken him a few minutes to coerce Minhyuk that it was nothing shameful to accept comfort from the people that cared. Jooheon had ordered the older to sit down on the bed, allow Jooheon to cuddle him and to freely cry the pain away. 

“Joohoney, their relationship was never the problem. Hyungwon just doesn’t want me as his soulmate.”

“He’s a dumb person. I don’t like him.”

“But honey, I still like him.”

“Of course you do. If you didn’t like him anymore, this little thing would have faded away.”

Jooheon takes Minhyuk’s right hand and points at the soulmate tattoo. They both giggle despite the gravity of the situation. It was ridiculous that such a small and inconspicuous mark was the symbolism of what connected Minhyuk and Hyungwon.

“Kid, don’t make fun of my bond to my problematic soulmate!”

“More like your chain to him.”

 

* * *

 

“Doesn’t that look like you?”

Hyungwon doesn’t take his eyes off the large painted canvass occupying the wall. It’s hung exactly on the center of the black wall with one ceiling mounted spotlight shining down on it. The scene depicts the silhouette of a man holding onto a huge umbrella open above his head, the half-moon shining in the night sky. The man’s background is the beautiful dark blue of the starry night. The blotches of almost transparent white paint littered the whole scene.

He supposes that the man in the blue and black painting was very sad. He feels his heart strings being pulled the more he stares at the painting.

There was something from the scene that feels so desolate and empty and yet he thought it was absolutely beautiful.

“You’re crazy.” Hyungwon finally says. He looks away from the painting and sees Kihyun tracing the name plate of the artist.

The moment they entered the university gallery Hyungwon was immediately drawn to the painting, sparing nothing else a glance. He has yet to read the artist’s name or the short explanation printed and framed on the bottom right of the painting. Before he could ask Kihyun to read it for him the older man speaks again.

“Lee Minhyuk. Half Moon.” Kihyun reads softly. Suddenly everything made sense to Hyungwon and dread is quickly creeping on the pit of his stomach. The hint of amusement in Kihyun’s voice was sickening and Hyungwon knows enough to anticipate what was coming next.

“Let’s go Kihyun.” Hyungwon says gravely.

“You know Won-ah, you’ve been standing here for the last five minutes. I’ve seen everything in the exhibit and you-” Hyungwon cuts him off angrily. “Leave it.” He says as he turns around and walks out of the exhibit with a frown. Kihyun catches up to him seconds later in the hallway and they’re both thankful that few people were around.

 

“I heard from other people that Minhyuk’s an amazing person.”

“So what?”

“Even his painting called out to you.”

“His painting was the centre piece of the gallery. He’s a good artist, that’s all.”

“I’m a good photographer but you’ve never looked at my work with that intensity Hyungwon.”

“How would you know?”

“I just do. That painting, it’s you. He painted you.”

“Kihyun, what are you trying to do?”

The only thing Hyungwon regrets when he and Kihyun broke up was telling the other that he had already met his soulmate.

Hyungwon feels Kihyun’s hand hold on to his wrist and without warning the older man squeezes his wrist tightly with all his force. Hyungwon yelps in pain and pulls his hand out of the other’s grasp. He looks at Kihyun in surprise and anger and Kihyun looks back at him with an equally intese glare.

“What the fuck are you doing? That hurts.”

“That doesn’t even compare to the pain you’re making Minhyuk go through.”

 

* * *

 

Minhyuk’s in a great mood. He had just finished designing the cover art for Jooheon and Changkyun’s special collaboration project for the two’s composition class and the lovebirds were treating him to as much cake and coffee as he wants in their favorite café. They’ve been there for a few hours and the comfortable silence of long-time friends had slowly settled in between the three of them. Jooheon is busy looking at the two printed versions of the cover art that only differed in colors; one was black and the other was red. Changkyun on the other hand is quietly observing Minhyuk who was already halfway through his second slice of cake.

“Minhyuk-hyung, you look really happy. No joke.” The youngest of the three says earnestly. Changkyun is smiling a bit, obviously shy from his honest words. Minhyuk chuckles and places the fork he’s holding down on the plate.

“Kkung, its because I haven’t been feeling any pain lately.”

His soulmate problems were something Minhyuk didn’t open up unless he’s prodded to but he decided that this was at least the good news he wanted to share with his closest friends. He can’t even remember the last time he’d felt even a dull pain on his being. Even when Hyungwon’s presence is still glaringly missing in his life, the lack of the cruel and unnatural pain seeping through his body was the only consolation he could thank the other for.

Maybe it is again foolish to assume that something good will come from the unexpected extended calm that has settled between him and his soulmate but that was the only reaction he could entertain.  

“Hyung, is your tattoo fading?” Jooheon asks from across the table. Minhyuk looks down at his wrist and shakes his head.

“No. Never. Even if the pain comes back and I go crazy I won’t give up on him.”

“That doesn’t make sense, hyung.”

Minhyuk’s eyes meets Jooheon’s equally sad ones and it makes him disappointed that his friend is always suggesting for him to be the one to reject Hyungwon’s soulmate bond. It was easy; if they mutually reject each other then the small tattoo would gradually disappear by itself and the dreaded bond that was linking them together would be broken. But without the soulmate bond, Minhyuk would never again have the chance to feel the beautiful warmth and completeness that he had briefly felt and continue to yearn for.

“Soulmates don’t make sense.”

Jooheon and Changkyun were soulmates who had met each other even before Minhyuk knew either of them. They’ve been a pair since childhood and Minhyuk can’t begin to start explaining to them how much pain he’d gone through both from Hyungwon’s rejections and his own sadness and uncertainty with pursuing something that his other half rejected. Jooheon and Changkyun who match perfectly and only know the warmth of completeness of being with each other will at most only grasp the concept of the pain Minhyuk is continuously going through.

What they don’t understand is that not all relationships can be classified with black and white; not every answer is strictly a yes or a no. Sometimes Minhyuk has to stand in the grey area and wonder if the answer will eventually be a maybe.

If from the start of their soulmate bond there was even a shred of possibility for him to be able to leave then Minhyuk had already lost that chance- he had gladly given that up. He fully understands that everyone around him only sees the pain that their connection had put him through but he sincerely wished that the others knew that it’s too late for Minhyuk to crave any touch other than Hyungwon’s.

 

* * *

 

Minhyuk doesn’t realize he’s shaking as he closes the door behind him, in his field of vision is Hyungwon’s back the man’s tall figure walking to the dining table of Minhyuk’s dorm room. It’s a surreal occurrence to unexpectedly opening his door to his estranged soulmate carrying a bundle of flowers on his arm and softly asking to be let inside his dorm room.

Minhyuk’s couldn’t say a word and instead nodded his head, opened his door widely as the invitation to let the younger man enter.

It’s the first time he’s seen Hyungwon for months and the taller man’s hair had grown longer and dyed in a surprising shade of light grey. Hyungwon has always been beautiful but there was something so ethereal about his new light hair, sun kissed complexion and the bright hues of pinks and reds from the flowers all mixing in together to make Minhyuk’s heart race faster than he thought was possible.

Unsure of himself and the situation that they’re in, Minhyuk takes his time in walking the few steps until he’s face to face with his soulmate who is standing on the other side of the table. The flowers he was carrying earlier is now perfectly placed in the middle of Minhyuk’s bare wooden table. It looked natural and beautiful and crazily familiar that Minhyuk holds his breath for a brief moment once the realization hits him.

“Hyungwon, what is this?” He questions, voice almost breaking as he spoke.

In front of him Hyungwon shuffles in place, looking like a nervous wreck of a human that wants nothing but for the floor to swallow him whole. Minhyuk wonders if he looks the same.

Minhyuk didn’t really need to ask the question because he knew the meaning of the beautiful flowers that the younger had placed in between them. It’s a small but elegant arrangement of red roses, pink and white colored alstroemerias and neatly cut baby’s breath cutely sticking out in random directions from the sides and the top.

In front of him is a real life copy of a still life vision that he had painted a few months back for his painting classes- a painting that was ultimately placed on display on the university gallery for a few days. Somewhere in the pile of different sized paintings that are carefully leaning on the wall a few feet away from them is the exact oil painting of the pink, red and white flower arrangement placed in a see through square glass vase tinted pale blue. The blue hue of the  vase is non-coincidentally the same as the color of the light that their tattoo had given out- the pale blue of their half moon tattoos.

“Red roses for I love you passionately. Alstroemerias means I am devoted to you and Baby’s breath is for ever lasting love.” Hyungwon recites stiffly as if he was reading it out of a queue card, Minhyuk finds it adorable. There’s something to this mess of a Hyungwon in front of him that reminds him of the first time they met. It reminds him of the surprised man that looked at his own glowing wrist in unfiltered wonder. In that moment Hyungwon’s unsure expression and demeanour was so much different to the cold and calculated expressions of the man that told him to forget about their soulmate connection months ago.

“But what does this mean? What do you want to say to me?”

Minhyuk asks again and trying his best to catch eye contact with Hyungwon and it works. Deep brown eyes look to him with unshed feelings that Minhyuk does not want to be begin to identify. For a moment he lets himself assume that finally his patience and unreasonable belief to hold on despite the amount of pain the man in front of him had indirectly caused him is finally paying off. Maybe this was the start of the ‘maybe’ he’s been waiting for in their connection- in their relationship.

“It means I’m sorry for ever hurting you, Minhyuk.” Hyungwon reaches out his left hand and turns it around to bare his wrist. The simple half-moon tattoo of his soulmate that’s identical to his own finally makes an appearance. “And that I’d like to start devoting myself to you and to loving you from now on. If you’d let me.”

Lifting his own right arm, Minhyuk quickly lets his hand rest on Hyungwon’s extended one. Within seconds he’s boldly intertwining their fingers together. The compliant Hyungwon quickly understanding the quiet movement of his soulmate’s fingers. Minhyuk twists their interlocked hands to bare both of their wrists. He silently admires the view of two perfectly identical half-moons facing each other, finally a whole.

“Of course.” Minhyuk says finally with a breath of relief. It takes a moment to register that Hyungwon is leaning in and pulling his right arm closer to his face. Minhyuk lets out an embarrassing whine when he feels Hyungwon’s plump pink lips placing a chase kiss on the little half-moon on his wrist.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is my first entry for the Hyunghyuk bingo (that you guys should support!!!) for the tile: Soulmates!
> 
> I've been meaning to write this even before the bingo but well....anyway here you go! This is mainly inspired by a Hyunghyuk Soulmate Social Media AU on twt made by my friend!!! (check it out at @/xingwons on twt) This is for you bb even if this is absolute garbage :'( I'm sorry.
> 
> This is un beta-ed and really is just ??? but comments and kudos are greatly loved! thank you!


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